


The Nose Thing

by Jjjaded



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other, Snake Crowley (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-09-28 19:22:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20431157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jjjaded/pseuds/Jjjaded
Summary: Crowley quickly turned to face the angel as if he’d just slapped him in the face. “I’m sorry what did you say?”Aziraphle stepped closer: “of course dear, it bends slightly to the right”, said he cheerfully, bopping the demon’s nose, “see?”





	The Nose Thing

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there, my darling  
First thing first: I am italian, and this work is based on a famous scene of an I C O N I C italian novel by Luigi Pirandello "One, No One and One Hundred Thousand" (go look it up on google idk), and this idiotic short ff came to me while I was studying for my final exam jUST SO YOU KNOW I WAS NOT DOING GOOD.

“What are you doing there?” asked Aziraphale, seeing Crowley standing in the middle of the bathroom and making weird faces at his reflection. Aziraphale giggled to himself: “looks like that time you tried to scary that Roman emperor by entering in his mirror. Didn’t work out that well.”  
“That bastard just kept imitating me” groaned Crowley “Hell knows what was wrong with that kid.”  
“Well, in the end your departure did a great job with him. Guess no one will ever top Nero though… right?”  
A hum was all Aziraphale received as an answer, as Crowley was apparently too busy making himself look ridiculous in front of the mirror. After a brief pause he asked again: “What are you doing there?”  
Crowley let out a sigh. “Nothing, I’m just trying to understand why it hurts when I touch this nostril.” He answered.  
Aziraphale smiled. “Oh”, he said, “I thought you were checking on which side it bended”.  
Crowley quickly turned to face the angel as if he’d just slapped him in the face. “I’m sorry what did you say?”  
Aziraphale stepped closer: “of course dear, it bends slightly to the right”, said he cheerfully, bopping the demon’s nose, “see?”  
Crowley froze.  
More than 6 thousand years on this planet and he never noticed his nose bended to the right. He never considered it a beautiful nose, but it was nice or at least decent. Same goes for the rest of the body: he knew he wasn’t perfect, but he didn’t have a lot of flaws either or…  
“What else?” asked Crowley hesitantly  
“Mh let’s see” the angel reflected studying the demon’s figure. “you have a heavy eyelid, so that your right eye looks bigger. You also have one ear smaller than the other, your jaw is slimmer on one side, your upper lip is definitely too thin, and then… still have a good profile though!” he hurried to add when he saw Crowley’s frowning expression. He spat out a venomous “thank you” and stormed out of the bathroom; Aziraphale quickly went after him, thinking of a way to save the situation. “My dear boy, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you, you know you’re beautiful and-” said he, his voice full of guilt.  
“I know I’m beautiful, angel!” Crowley almost screamed.  
Aziraphale stopped mid-sentence, a puzzled frown depicted on his face.  
“So then,” he tried again “what’s the matter?”  
“Matter is, angel,” and he dramatically turned around with his palms out as he said so, “they put me in this bloody shape and gave me this thing, this nose an-”  
“It’s not like they gave you an option”  
“Yes, I know, but-” Crowley ran a hand through his hair as to carefully choose the words to use. “I should have noticed at some point!”  
“Well, you noticed now”  
“AFTER SIX THOUSAND FUCKING YEARS”  
“Now young boy, watch your language.” Warned him Aziraphale, “It’s just a nose”  
“Oh of c- Of course! Of course! I live with a crooked THING in the middle of my face and I don’t notice it for centuries until a petulant-”  
“OI.”  
“-angel comes around and just casually point it out like it was OBVIOUS” said Crowley marking every word.  
“It actually is quite obvious, dear” responded the angel, only to bite his tongue a second later, realizing that would just have fanned the fire.  
“Yes, I know, that’s the point!” said Crowley, making big circles with his arms and desperately looking around him as to find someone else who would help him. “But I’ve never looked at it that way. What if everyone I’ve ever met in my life lied to me? What if everything I’ve ever known is false? Humans are disgusting, it’s like they have a hundred masks, and every day they change them based on who they’re with or the situation they’re in, trying to fit in and make a good impression.”  
“But you are a demon… remember?” the angel attempted.  
Crowley snorted. “But I’ve been living with humans for years and years, and I haven’t figured them out yet. It’s terrifying.”  
At this point Aziraphale didn’t know how to help his demon, so he just stared at him with a worried face, expecting him to go on with his ranting. Instead, Crowley let himself fall on the sofa, bringing his hands to his head and exhaling a deep breath. After a minute of silence, in which Aziraphale kept looking at him, hesitantly fidgeting with his fingers. Crowley raised his head and stared at the wall.  
“I can’t do this anymore” said he resigned, and before Aziraphale could understand what he meant, he had changed into his snake form, and crawled in a corner of the sofa.  
Aziraphale gently picked him up, sat on the sofa and put him on his lap “Oh, dear boy”, said he lovingly, trying to hide a smile.  
“Don’t call me that. I don’t want to look like a human anymore, it’s disgusting.”  
“Ow come on Crowley”, Aziraphale lightly scuffed. “you still have the rest of your life to learn to live with that nose, which is, you know, a lot of time actually”  
Crowley didn’t seem to be convinced, and curled up leaning on the angel’s touch. He shyly looked up at Aziraphale, and the angel lift him up so that their eyes were on the same level.  
“Promise me…”  
“Anything for you darling”  
“Promise me you won’t point that out too often, ok?” asked Crowley, worry in his voice. “I mean… the nose thing”  
Aziraphale smiled again. “Never in a million years”, he assured.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, darling! If I don't regret this too soon I might upload something else, but only time will tell. Have a nice day!


End file.
